The Breakroom
The Breakroom is a collection of fun folks I've encountered during my time in the workforce. Some are just funny and some are... well... sad. I'm sure some of you can relate to a few of these, but view at your own risk!
Vodkarella
Crazy Level: 10
Drunk Level: 1000
Specialty:
Her specialty was drinking from a flask she kept hidden in her boot and also drinking in the car and also drinking in the restroom. When she wasn't drinking she was probably still drinking. Her hair was just wild every day. She had two children - aged 17 and 2. Something definitely happened there. Eyes were always bloodshot and she looked about the same as somebody who would climb out of a cab in front of their house at 3 A.M. Very feral raccoony. Bad interpersonal skills for the aforementioned reasons.
Noteworthy Interaction:
One morning she was arguing with Gangster Gail because Gangster Gail said it was too cold and Vodkarella told her to put on a sweater. Gangster Gail countered that she shouldn't have to put on more clothes just to work. It ended up with them shouting at one another and both Gangster Gail and Vodkarella punching the Plexiglass partition between their cubicles. It was every office worker's dream to see a cubicle fight.
Gangster Gail
Crazy Level: 10 (but good crazy)
Drunk Level: 942.54
Specialty:
When I first started Gail would be one of those "Morning People" who would flutter around the room and tell everybody good morning but also remind people she had been in jail at one point. (This is why we love Gail to this day.) She can make friends with anybody or anything at any time (human or otherwise) and very little convinces her outside of her own thought process.
Noteworthy Interaction:
One night we all decided to meet out at a country bar on the south side called Graham's. Gail showed up with a lady, and I asked who the lady was, and Gangster Gail replied, "Oh, I don't know, I found her in the bathroom floor at Henry Hudson's." Later on that night led to the infamous Kelly Sock-Knitting Dilemma of 2008. Gail was mostly sober this night, but I, however, was not thanks to Kelly.
Squidward
Crazy Level: 2500/10
Drunk Level: 0
Specialty:
He walks like Squidward. He even flutters his arms like Squidward while he walks. He has a head shaped like... yep, you guessed it. Squidward. Teeth, face, voice, everything. Squidward. Complains more than anybody in the entire company about things not even related to his day-to-day work - things like his PTO and profit share balances. Likes to use zesty language in his emails because he thinks it gets him results when in reality it just gets his emails forwarded to HR because nobody is going to deal with someone who acts like that AND closely resembles a cartoon squid from Nickelodeon.
Noteworthy Interaction:
One time I pissed him off and he just stood there and one eye was looking southwesterly and the other looked at me but was vibrating back and forth quickly. I wasn't sure if he was having a stroke or if he was thinking about how to respond to what I had just told him. Another time he came to a Happy Hour, which he left 10 minutes earlier than we did, and my co-workers and I saw him running through the rain from Hustler of Hollywood clutching a giant... you know... for his wife. File that under "Things I Never Wanted to See."